i'm not smart

I don't like harping on things and nag them at people until their ears bleed but that's who i am. I need to voice my troubles to people to release stress. It's not fun being me. Some people look at my life and think i'm so lucky and smart and stuff. I'm not. I'm stupid. I have a lower PSLE score than you can ever imagine, had absolutely no friends either. I was alone for the whole 6 years in that horrid place. I had to learn to depend on myself in that primary school, bullied sometimes too. The last day there, i went to a large clearing right outside the school and literally looked up at the sky. I thought to myself that i was free.

I went on to Secondary School, full of hopes and i knew it was my chance to start anew and never to remember that Primary School. I made friends, friends i still keep and am loyal to. A few are no longer part of my life anymore but i am grateful for them leaving me the memories. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. In my first year, i glided through the examinations to go up from NT stream to NA stream, a  better stream that enables me to take O levels.

Sec 2 and 3, i glided through the work as well, just practicing more. Then i reached sec 4. I still had a 'heck care' attitude and had to even attend a 'parents teachers meeting' until one day during recess, a classmate said casually to his friend, "Short people are fierce while tall people are bimbos."

I was furious (i'm about 1.72m tall) when i heard that and when i went back home from that day onwards, i started studying. I started doing colourful notes for my chemistry and geography, my stronger subjects. Went on to the weaker ones later on. It was until the mid-term exam i think, that my grades showed a great improvement. Lots of As if you know what i mean. Teachers gave me recognition then, praised me etc and this really made my day. I continued on to do that. I thrive under recognition i realise now.

This could be due to the fact that i was ignored by teachers and classmates for the whole 6 years i had in Pri school for me to end up this way. I don't know. It could have stemmed from there. Anyways, i loved the praises that teachers lavished me with and i strived to do better. Probably being called a Bimbo, wasn't that bad after all.

From then on, i worked harder than i had for the past dunno how many years of my life to get to poly. I haven't stopped since. Probably, this is why i have this easily stressed persona to the extent that i had to go counselling a few months ago. I've since then, took it easy but still had in mind, the objective to succeed in poly and leave this place with a fabulous diploma in hand. Ganbatte Ne!